This is an important day, Régis.
It's my two thousandth burial.
Kudos, Mr. Bron.
He wasn't rich, but you don't choose your customers.
If anything goes wrong, use the spare!
Everyone ready?
I repeat,
don't panic!
Okay, boys. Go!
Does he think he can crash our party?
Watch out!
Everything's okay! This way!
Don't fall in!
Where's the priest?
Mr. Bron, come quick!
I think he's dead.
You thought right.
- What do we do? - A godsend? We take him.
Stop!
Class is over, kids.
Hey, Barnabé!
Class is over, kiddo.
Barnabé loves music.
Thanks to you, he bangs on my pots.
It's a massacre.
Or the makings of a career. Maybe it's genetic.
I'm a lawyer and I can't sing to save my life.
His dad, then?
The last I heard, he wasn't musical.
Barnabé! Wait to cross!
See you next week!
Bye...
Go easy on mom's pots!
It works...
The pictures, the music. It's perfect.
Thank you.
I could change the mood by adding a cello
or resolving to C. You decide.
What's he saying? The interpreter's late!
What'd he say?
I don't know but it sounds good.
It's a deal.
Got an agent?
I'll find one.
I've told you 100 times, Cyril,
I want my Paris director to be young, dynamic!
Don't we pay well?
It's not that, Mr. Loxman...
Young grads don't dream of becoming undertakers.
Your job is to make them.
Of course...
We do have in-house talent...
I've brought in Mr. Gervais Bron.
He has style, experience and devotion.
I think he's our man.
Mr. Tuech knows my history with the company.
I believe in the American business model... always have!
I don't have family,
flexible hours.
Work is my life, Mr. Laquesmon...
Loxman.
I left him speechless, didn't l?
I told him you were the best.
- Hello, Mr. Sadoun. - Hello.
Mr. Sadoun is our new accountant.
New?
I guess age won't be a handicap.
Put in a good word anyway. I need this job!
- You made the shortlist. - What?
Yes, you're a finalist.
But your English could be a problem.
I only bury the French.
How about coffee?
Ms. Tholy, organist at St. Germain,
will fill in for me during my trip.
She's old!
Dismissed.
Seeing Lapland is my dream...
Stop Barnabé. Enough. That's not a toy.
It must be freezing there.
I'll be prepared.
Anyway, it's only for two months.
At -40C, two minutes is long enough to freeze.
Especially the extremities...
I don't like her!
She's too ugly!
Here. Take my harmonica.
When I get back, I'll give you lessons.
If it's OK with mom.
It depends on your price.
Exorbitant!
But now, dinner's on me.
I'm swamped with work right now...
and actually...
When you get back we'll do frozen dinners? Okay?
Have a good trip.
Gabriel, Jacques at Crash Productions.
There's a little problem with Tuuliki, the director.
What kind of problem?
Hit enter please.
When Eskimos nod their heads it means no.
Sorry, Gabriel. I don't knowwhat to say.
You're very talented...
Have a good trip, sir.
Fuck!
Are you sure music's not your true passion?
Positive.
You change jobs every 3 months. You're unstable.
No, just very curious.
I'd say an aircraft carrier...
Of course I'm sure...
There's no right answer, right?
It's an American company. They manage pension funds.
They're huge!
They own French stock in everything.
That's what my cousin in New York told me.
There, salaries are higher
and gas is cheaper.
What do they sell?
I think I know...
Where are all the applicants, Cristelle?
Gone, Mr. Tuech.
Just like yesterday!
Gaby?
Unbelievable. My old school pal!
We sure had fun!
Especially you seniors. You guys put me in the ER.
The egging was a little alpha male!
You'll love it here!
What's your product?
50 million in earnings.
30 % of the market.
They're dead meat!
What do you sell?
Life and death are the pillars of society!
So is toilet paper.
I'll pay 20%° more with a bonus!
Think about it!
That's bullshit. Eskimos nod like everyone.
Anyway, he said no.
I'll have a word with that jerk!
I'm not 8, dad. I can handle it.
What are you doing here, Gab?
Want a tangerine?
Perfect timing. What do you think of my latest creation?
Nickye, we were...
Let him answer, Hugo. Creative families need critics.
What do you think? Nice, huh?
Not bad.
What's that sound?
It's the cherry pit lining.
It massages
and keeps the heat in.
I'll make you one in wool.
Don't bother. He isn't going.
Really?
No. He isn't going.
Howwill you compose without that frozen...
I won't, mom. They didn't pick me.
Don't worry, honey.
Next time it will happen. You'll see.
There won't be a next time.
I'm looking for a job.
I'm giving up music.
No! We've suffered enough! Three years of business school!
- Enough, Gabriel! - He's right. You've got talent!
What talent?
They turned down my musical.
You were 16, Gabriel!
- I'm no starving artist! - Look at dad.
He's been sculpting for 40 years and he's penniless.
And you give up? At your age?
I'm penniless?
It's true.
Please!
We'd be rich with the commissions I've refused.
But I'm a free man.
Free to live in a leaky houseboat.
Maybe.
At your age, I didn't dream of wearing a suit
and driving a Lexus!
On the contrary!
The generator seems to agree.
A hammer should do it.
Enough, guys! Pack it up! The inside's soaked!
Your boat leaks. She'll sink.
That's what you said 3 months ago.
You've been warned.
- They make it sound so dramatic. - It has to be fixed!
Do you think I'm totally incompetent?
I got an estimate. They wanted 6,000 euros!
- 6,000 euros? - Yes.
- Bye, dad. - Bye.
Listen, Gabriel! I forbid you to give up music!
You've made the right choice.
So?
Isn't this great?
Some funeral parlor!
Make yourself at home.
I brought music. Is that OK?
Of course. We're freer here than at the parlors.
Let's get started.
Not yet.
First, you report to Gervais Bron at Père Lachaise. A total has-been.
- Why? - Company policy...
A month of hands-on training.
- You didn't tell me. - Sheer formality.
Here's the fabric you asked for, Mr. Pedretti.
I know it's soft,
but please be gentle.
The pillow is on the house.
We didn't forget the lipstick-red fringe.
You were adamant about it.
It's all custom made.
Can I try it?
Please do, that's what it's here for.
Mr. Gervais?
Yes.
No shoes, please.
Mr. Lougovoï is waiting.
The trainee?
Show him in.
Come in!
Come!
Gabriel Lougovoï. I'm late.
Our clients are never in a hurry. Gervais Bron. Père Lachaise.
Delighted...
Relax! It's just a road test.
Picky customers pay well...
Tell me, Mr. Pedretti. How's the fit?
- What if I get fat? - We'll dress you light.
Goodbye. See you soon.
I mean... take your time!
I'm going.
You've seen the house. Now, the yard.
It's out front.
Evelyne.
Get Mr. Pedretti's deposit.
Already done.
Good work, Evelyne.
Don't forget your coat. It's cold out.
- Are graves expensive? - You mean "plots."
Perpetual care runs about 1 1,000 euros.
Perpetual care?
Given the growth potential, that's reasonable.
At 2 square meters, they're hardly lofts.
Hello, José.
A gravedigger?
A stonemason. He builds crosses.
There's the gravedigger. Good. He's remodeling.
See? He piles up the bones, shortens the box...
He makes room.
- A housing crisis. - No remodeling in the first 5 years.
- Is it illegal? - No.
Before then, there's meat on the bones.
Hey! Gilou! Find anything today?
A pittance, Mr. Bron.
Here's the new guy.
I won't shake your hand.
Bye.
Come look.
He finds trinkets...
jewelry, watches, radios.
Look where you're walking.
People are buried with lots of things.
We even found shampoo once.
Shampoo?
For hair.
And now, the chapel.
The design was my idea.
The pastel gouache, the music, the painting...
Fantastic.
A two-part triptych. Just my style.
And now, as a little bonus, I redid all the doors.
Wow!
- Nice, huh? - Very...
Oh, scotch tape.
It's not tape! It's Corinthian Arabesque.
Of course.
It's the best.
Who's singing Mozart's Requiem?
My cousin Sandra. Nice voice?
The folk sound makes it lighter.
Of course.
See?
Families meet here before the ceremony.
I had plants put in. They're fake but... I do what I can.
Mr. Gervais?
The Arab just died!
No!
When?
What's the difference!
You laugh? Are you racists?
It's just a contest between parlors.
Last year someone won a trip to Spain by burying Anita Mann.
Not funny.
- Get it? - That's stupid.
It's pathetic.
Our client's name is Al Dente.
In two words.
Al Dente on a headstone! We'll clean up!
Tell me,
you've seen a stiff before?
Of course.
How many?
Not a lot.
After you.
Mind if I take a peek at granny's hairdo?
No.
So, Mrs. Froissart...
You'd better hold up.
3 more days to go.
Come close. Pretty, huh?
I see from here. She looks asleep.
She'll be for some time!
A beer?
It's a "pale" ale.
Good line.
This one's not so pretty.
The family's feuding over where to bury him.
Poor guy's been here 5 months.
Gives you an appetite, doesn't it. Hungry?
Not really.
We're eating with Marie, the thanatologist.
In Greek, thanato means death...
You get the idea. She makes the dead presentable.
So, you'll be three.
Carmen.
No introduction!
Gabriel, mortician in training.
You're brave.
Lose the coat.
Stand up straight. Straight!
Throw out your hips.
The chin!
Yes, good. Your arms?
I teach Flamenco Wednesdays. Cash only.
A bottle for the table, Carmen.
Not at lunch, Gervais!
What about an olive?
Your mother, sir?
Practically.
And lose the "sir."
Carmen's a hell of a lady.
She was a nun before becoming a Flamenco dancer.
A world-famous one. Look.
Posters everywhere.
A nun with a face like hers?
No. That's her daughter, Loli.
Here's Marie!
What happened? We thought you were dead.
I'd have less work!
Gabriel, this month's intern.
3 bodies today. Not just make-up, stitches too.
I'm so hungry, I'd eat my shoe!
I ask the client,
"How long has dad been dead in the sauna?"
This is strong wine!
So, he says...
"About 12 hours."
When I got there...
it was a barbecue. The guy was charred.
Burnt to a crisp.
There's not a dull moment, you'll see!
- And remember that lady? - Which one?
She wanted to keep her hubby's eyes.
In her fridge! Scout's honor!
He had eyes only for her.
Gervais is so funny!
How's the food?
- Bravo! - Delicious!
Don't you like it?
It's excellent, but their stories...
This is obviously no job for you.
It's temporary.
Then I go to headquarters.
What for?
I'm Paris sales director.
What?
For the whole metro area, actually.
Didn't you know?
Paris is a big city.
Sure, I knew.
I need some wine.
You need the color. You're white as a ghost.
Doesn't he remind you of Bruce Willis?
The tank top, maybe.
Don't you have a hearing tomorrow?
Yes, at 8 A.M. and there's a ton of paperwork.
We work like crazy. So much for independence...
Some nights... I dream of a lazy football fan.
In boxers and flip-flops, guzzling warm beer!
It's a pretty picture.
Just confirming the meeting.
Monday at 1 1, Claire.
Hi!
Damien's hot?
Did you see his loafers?
I didn't notice.
There is someone I like.
Barnabé's music teacher.
Here's a picture.
I can't see...
He asked me out but I said no. I don't knowwhy.
I do! How old is he?
The flash rejuvenates him.
Why not try the local high school...
Beats clubbing with condoms.
Not so sure.
Here's our new line.
As you can see we have two-tone fringes.
Our classic interiors include
violet...
and champagne.
Champagne?
That's what they call it, but it's really ivory.
Please take a look.
15 years slaving for this damn company!
You had the seniority. The job was yours.
I don't like Americans.
Watch what you're doing.
Where's my head!
He wants training? He'll get it!
He sure will.
For the coffin, if he was simple...
I'd suggest our Black Forest pine.
Pie?
No, pine. Like the Black Forest.
It is padded, of course.
A pine box!
I don't believe it.
We'll think it over.
Of course.
I'll be here.
Goodbye.
Have a nice day.
A pine box! Why not a communal grave?
But their budget...
That's their problem! Yours is to sell.
You disrespected their loved one.
It was for a cremation. 3,000 euros to burn a coffin?
So? Does everyone with an SUV go on safari?
Mr. Gervais?
Excuse me. I have a death on the phone.
A nice address.
Clean that up and let's go.
I get it. First, the death certificate.
Right. As long as we have it, they're ours.
Keep it until they've signed.
We're here to take a weight off their shoulders.
A dead weight.
We'll see who's laughing.
No shades. We're not at the beach.
Good morning, sir.
Gabriel Lougovoï, Sky & Earth...
You look like a stray dog.
Start again.
- Good morning, sir. - Good morning.
Gabriel Lougovoï...
Please lower the heat and open the windows.
You sound like the gas company. Let's go.
Avoid words like "death," "deceased" and "departed."
Don't mention money at first.
Be as light as possible.
Be present yet transparent.
Or, better, distant yet close.
Fix your hair.
Good morning, ma'am.
Gervais Bron, Sky...
Yes, Sky & Earth. Last bedroom on your right.
How's it coming?
Over there.
They don't waste time.
Death isn't always tragic.
Gramps left everything to the Red Cross.
- Kind, huh? - Yes.
They're happy to be rid of him!
I understand you.
Please follow me while my colleague cleans him up.
- He died in his bath. - He's all set, then.
Shut his mouth and eyes and dress him.
- But he's dressed. - For water sports.
Here, a present. My gloves.
He wanted to wear this.
That's why we're here, miss.
Please follow me.
Shit.
So, the paperwork's done. No rush.
Excuse me.
- Do you have the death certificate? - Yes.
I wanted to ask you...
I'm the eldest!
No way!
A box of candy.
A box of candy and some are missing!
A note!
"l know greed runs in the family, so enjoy."
Don't laugh!
Show some respect for grandpa.
Gervais?
What's wrong with the suit?
What next? Parsley in his ears?
I couldn't shut his jaw.
It takes skill, kid.
The suit is at least 3 sizes too small.
Golden rule. Always respect dying wishes.
His Sunday best. Go find me a tie.
And underpants? He's not wearing any.
We're not burying him naked.
What?
This is all I could find.
- A thong? - Yes.
Nothing else?
We'll do it without.
Get started. I'll get the stretcher.
Got extra gloves?
It'll hold.
Three's company.
I need the exercise.
Bye.
- Shit! - What?
I'm stuck.
I'm stuck, Gervais!
What awful luck!
Isn't there an alarm?
I can't see!
Well, try.
Do something, Gervais!
I'm claustrophobic!
Sorry. Me and elevators...
He's slipping!
Gervais! He's slipping!
Call the fire department!
Okay!
17 or 18? I get confused.
Dial both, fuck! Get me out!
Oh, darn, no reception. I'll have to go outside.
No! Stay Gervais!
Don't leave me alone!
You're not alone. You've got him.
Let me try something.
You're lucky, it worked.
Lucky devil.
Careful with the merchandise!
Watch him while I get a cover.
Excuse me, Ms. Tholy.
Barnabé isn't here?
He decided to stop coming.
Did you find my book with the kids' numbers in it?
Was that yours? I chucked it, sorry.
Begin again, kids. Flutes up,
Nearer, My God, to Thee.
Hello. Flowers.
Right here. Thank you.
Have a nice day.
I'll see to Al Dente's stone. Close the casket.
Don't forget anything.
No problem. I made a checklist.
That's unacceptable, sir.
So, I made a mistake.
We don't make mistakes.
It's live. One performance only.
It's confusing. The coffins should be labeled.
It's not rocket science! A cross for a Muslim?
What did they teach you in business school?
You think you're a sales whiz?
With your hospice music and plastic flowers?
Why not confetti and streamers? It's time for a change!
Listen, little man.
I sell more mahogany than anyone!
But you couldn't sell a pit bull to a rapper.
You're bad, I can smell it...
I'd like to take care of Mrs. Froissart's burial.
I can help you. Just a minute...
This one's mine.
My wife lived alone. We separated long ago.
What furniture did she have?
All Louis XV. But fake.
What kind of wood?
I don't know.
Yes. She kept our bed.
It was mahogany.
I suggest our Fontainebleau model. In mahogany.
She'll stay with her furniture.
She'll feel more at home. You're right...
Have you considered the stone?
Beautiful.
Beautiful. But it's war.
That one's nice!
Most people like it.
But it's too much.
Too much.
So many beautiful things!
Just suggestions. You decide.
It's silly, but she loved dolphins. She dreamt of swimming with them.
- Unfortunately... - She left too soon.
No, she had a phobia of water. It's a shame.
That explains it.
I think I have something sea-themed over there.
Can you play this at the ceremony? Just a minute would be fine.
No problem.
This little car is well-ventilated.
- Here's Mr. Froissart's estimate. - Thanks, Evelyne.
We'll iron out the details later.
For now, I've budgeted 6,000 euros for the dolphin. With tax.
I trust you. Is cash a problem?
We'll take care of everything. My condolences.
It's a hard job, you do it well. Thank you for her.
Nearly 25,000 euros. He's the client of the year.
You could have sold him perpetual care.
Not bad for a beginner.
Nothing to it. Easier than taking candy from a baby.
See you tomorrow.
Too sensitive. Won't last.
José can do the dolphin.
He made me the best cement flowerpots!
Don't be stupid, Evelyne!
What did I say?
Try selling something we have!
Flipper is your problem!
Tomorrowyou clean out the fridge!
What's his name?
Takashi Mizura. He's a composer.
He loved your Dolphin of the Mountains.
I thought the Japanese ate dolphins.
He wants the same but without the mountain.
Tell him that your dad's an artist, not a photocopier.
Dad!
I said yes.
He gave me 6,000 euros.
It will pay for repairs.
Here.
You should have said so.
- Without the mountain? - Yes.
I'll take care of it.
Come on, Mrs. Froissart, gather your strength.
Today's the big day.
Give me a hand.
Gently!
Shut it.
I liked this granny.
Did you know her?
No.
Sometimes you get attached.
The dead are here with us.
They're watching, listening...
Fix her blouse.
The zombie thing always made me laugh.
- Until they come for you. - I've got time.
So you say.
You don't knowwhen you'll die, but they do.
They even have a web site, When-will-l-croak.com!
Let's ask them.
We can sometimes pick up their waves.
Listen.
Gervais, we have work.
Anyone there?
What is the date of Gabriel Lougovoïs death?
Enough!
It's not funny.
You don't believe it. But I want to know.
The death of...
March.
Did you hear?
Two thousand...
March...
You're totally cracked!
Never forget, kiddo...
The dead are alive.
You drive. Your client.
Easy!
Easy, I said!
Are you doing this on purpose?
Are you sure you have a license?
- It's the clutch! - Start.
You'll gas them.
It'd help business.
Go.
Park here.
The brake's in the middle.
In 20 years, I never sawthis!
A moment of silence, please, in memory of Mrs. Simone Froissart.
What are you doing here?
Claire?
Did you know my grandmother?
Yes.
- You mean Mrs. Froissart? - What a weird coincidence!
The music's weird, too.
I know. It was her wish.
I would assume.
Mr. Froissart, your granddad... Did you come with him?
He had a coronary last night. That's why I'm late.
Hard times.
The funeral home stole all his savings.
25,000 euros! They're thieves!
Ladies and gentlemen...
Incompetent, too.
Look, there are only 3 pallbearers. I'll go.
Howthoughtful.
Is this really the place, Romeo?
Sorry for being late, boys...
But, I'm late.
Brazilian mahogany.
Hats off, Gervais. It's been a while.
I'm not interested, Max.
Say yes, for once.
Don't make me burn 5,000 euros!
Come on! We'll split it 3 ways.
What are you doing?
You can't do that!
Burn her with her coffin!
Lower your voice!
You must be new.
I haven't seen you around.
- Who's he? - Our sales director.
He's in training.
Forgive me, I was kidding.
If you want to watch it burn,
I'll give you my stool.
And my glasses, because watch out for your eyes!
I've seen enough.
- What did I say? - You're not his type.
Take care, auntie.
See you soon.
Thank you for everything.
- No need. - It's very kind.
I'll call you.
That's the director. We have a score to settle.
Wait, Claire! I understand perfectly
but avoid a scene. This is a cemetery.
Preying on the weak is a disgrace!
You're right but...
You're a lawyer. Take them to court.
Let's get coffee.
Okay, pack it up.
They'll pay back every last penny.
Every last penny!
- It's wild you knew granny. - I belong to a volunteer group.
I did her shopping, some light housework.
Kids, seniors... People like you are rare.
I can still picture her in her Louis XV chair
worrying about water.
Liquor never bothered her, though.
I thought you were going north.
No, it got postponed.
In the movies, everything does.
It's crazy.
Grandma was awful to grandpa, she put him through hell.
But after 30 years apart, he still loved her.
Claire, this is a hotel.
Oh yeah. 2 stars, should we go elsewhere?
No.
It's perfect.
I don't know what came over me.
This isn't like me.
You did nothing wrong.
You know, I've never slept with a guy...
At a hotel.
So fast, I mean.
Me too.
It was the funeral, I guess. I wanted to feel alive.
To make love without thinking.
Good thing I was here.
Excuse me.
Sorry to interrupt your field study, but we have work. Finished?
Definitely.
A textbook case. Just the two of us.
Definitely.
In a half-hour at Carmen's.
Okay. Definitely.
Ever hear of "yes" and "no"?
Get over here.
Definitely. Definitely, maybe.
What's up?
My agent.
He needs me for a contract.
It's in the body and the eyes!
Enough for today.
Next time, bring the right shoes!
I knew widows were easy prey, but same-day service? Bravo!
Everyone, please meet
Gabriel Lougovoï, my sales director!
What's gotten into you, Gervais?
Have you lost your mind?
Excuse him.
Please join us tomorrow for my birthday.
You can bring a friend.
Thanks Carmen, but I have a dinner.
With her, actually.
At this rate, you'll have twins in a month.
Anyway, enough horsing around. There's work to do.
Bye, Carmen.
Be careful, Gervais,
death is sacred to them.
Don't take any initiative.
Do exactly as I tell you.
Hey, pal.
I'm so sorry.
He didn't suffer. Thanks for coming, gadjo.
He was a father to us all.
How's the family?
Without them, I'd have gone, too.
Don't say that.
For papa, the best.
It's lacquered cedar,
with gold handles, gold-plating...
Hi.
...silk-lining. Magnificent craftsmanship.
It's our deluxe Sherwood model.
Sherwood? Like sherbet?
No. Not at all.
Like Sherwood Forest.
It's the 6,500 euro model.
Exactly.
Keep it shut or the funeral will be our own.
Is he dead? Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
He loved this show. It made him laugh.
Great idea.
It'll make him happy.
His possessions go in with him.
It's tradition.
Yes, tradition.
Take off your coats. Sit down.
It's the box set. There are 3 more DVDs.
It's no use crying, my gadjo.
It won't bring him back.
It's the emotion.
They were very close.
It's stronger than me.
Time to go. Quietly start the hearse.
Gervais?
I'll be back, I forgot something.
Can I close the trunk?
First, we burn the trailer.
- Oh, right, it's... - Tradition.
I'm still inside!
Open up!
Where's that jerk?
Yes, it's okay!
What's your problem!
- Why did he do that? - It's tradition.
You hired me to boost sales, instead I cart bodies around all day.
Plus, I nearly got burned alive!
Listen, Gabriel.
Sit down!
Not to mention you know who. He'll pay!
He talks to the dead with a radio!
Our employees do like a laugh!
Especially, Gervais.
It's just hazing.
I preferred being egged.
Sit down. I saved your neck in college.
We were like this! Remember?
I remember you slept with Sophie Vrignol.
Are you still mad?
She slept with half the school!
Really?
I married her.
Well, not the professors.
Goodbye.
Gabriel, it's an American firm.
If you go, I'm fired.
Plus, Sophie's pregnant
and we just bought a villa.
You're a pain, Cyril.
Thanks.
- Right on the water! - On it but not in it.
I've never made love on a boat.
Mom and dad? Hello?
- It's the wrong night. - No, it's tonight.
Someone there?
See? The wrong night.
Already here, darlings?
We're an hour late, mom.
This is Claire.
Claire is clear, it's pure, it's limpid.
I see right through it.
Thank you. Come Claire, I'll give you a tour.
We're hungry, mom.
I'll pop the bread in and we'll eat.
She's pretty. With her sexy banker look.
You must get your kicks.
Christ!
I'm not your pal, dad. I'm your son.
What's her name?
Baking bread is the key to inner peace, Marie-Claire.
When I find time, I buy it. It's not Marie-Claire, it's Claire.
Gab? Come see the bread rise.
No, thanks.
Come on!
He's been a bundle of nerves lately.
It really is soothing.
I don't want to see the bread!
I'm sorry.
Listen, mom. It's already 1 1.
We work. Claire does.
Okay, but first I have a surprise.
A surprise?
I found this old tape in the deckhouse.
A tape?
What's on it?
Just wait. You'll love it!
You'll see.
Here it comes.
It's a blood bath.
It's your birth, honey.
What else?
Turn it off!
Wait! It'll just take a minute. The delivery, then we eat.
It's beautiful.
Here you come. You can see the hair.
Does Claire have to see this?
Birth is sacred to a woman.
- Any kids, Claire? - A boy named Barnabé.
Who's that woman?
The midwife.
Our 2nd round the world trip.
In Priki.
- I gave birth in... - Kiprim.
Katchum-Priki, right. Near Calcutta.
You can see it's a boy. Solid, huh?
I'll set the table.
I've got the tablecloth.
At my age, the candles cost more than the cake.
I know you're with us, my Loli.
Studies are a waste for someone with his gifts.
College is for the untalented.
And you, Blanche? Uh, Claire.
What do you do?
Corporate law.
7 years of higher education.
The world needs lawyers, dear.
It's got them.
Exactly!
Don't you like my turnip flan?
Yes, it's just...
The gas smell's making me queasy.
Where's the bathroom?
In the back. I'll showyou.
No.
She's sensitive.
Beauty is always delicate.
She is pretty... for her age.
For her age?
She's settled,
with a kid, a career,
and probably an apartment with a leather couch.
- At her age... - I know.
At her age, you lived in a hut on the beach
and grandma wired money.
Stop! It doesn't matter. He'll never marry her.
It's obvious.
Oh, really? And why not?
I like a responsible woman. It's just what I need.
No, Gabriel!
An education, a crummy job, and now marriage? No more!
It's not the same thing.
Marriage is a noble gesture, one you refused to make.
Enough philosophy.
No! I've lost my appetite.
It was such a pleasure eating with... What's her name?
Blanche.
Claire.
I can't get out!
Why'd she close it?
Most people close the door to the crapper, dad!
We don't say "crapper."
We say "john."
Coming, Claire.
Joachim and I separated when Barnabé was born.
He lives in Athens.
He calls Sunday mornings and takes him over school breaks.
The bare minimum.
My dad was always very present.
Too present.
You know... I've never had someone over.
Can you leave before Barnabé gets up?
Sure.
What time does he wake up?
What are you doing?
Barnabé!
Nothing.
What about you?
I live here. Are you here for the harmonica lesson?
That's right, honey.
Hello.
It came in so I was open. I mean...
You were right to. Right, honey?
- Shall we begin? - Yes.
That's it.
Good.
Claire? Strong, the coffee.
Excuse me.
Keep going.
Yes, it's a bad time.
I'm giving a music lesson.
At 6 in the morning! You bet!
Stop. Let me speak.
Let me speak.
Stop harassing me!
No, I won't come.
What?
Everyone had gone. We were cleaning up.
She clutched her chest with both hands.
She fell suddenly.
Are you sure she's...
Did you call a doctor?
She is dead.
She was like my mom.
I'm an orphan. I don't knowwhere I come from.
Do you have parents?
Both?
Family is good.
I've had so little in life. It's always been taken away.
Carmen, my wife, everything.
You were married?
Loli was my wife.
She was 22.
We sold flowers together.
There were flowers at our wedding
and flowers at her funeral.
I got into the funeral business to stay near her.
I understand, Gervais.
We were expecting a girl.
Jesus fucking Christ!
I have nobody left.
Listen. Can l...?
I don't even know why I called.
I'm useless.
Here.
Would you?
It was her favorite.
Wait outside. I'll dress her.
"Stop harassing me, I won't come"?
He said that?
Get with it, Claire.
It's an ex who can't let go. Several, even.
Barnabé might have scared him. Still, he introduced me to his folks.
So did Julien. He still snuck around with men.
Isn't that why he introduced you, Natacha?
I don't know.
Before I forget, have you tried googling him?
Lougovoï. I tried. The whole family's there.
Pianists, painters, sculptors.
The Swiss Family Robinson. What about him?
Nothing. Nada.
I bet he mostly plays the recorder. Want your ginger?
Great piano.
It's my grandmother's.
My babushka brought it from St. Petersburg.
I played my first notes on it.
So, what are you working on?
Lots of stuff.
Can I hear?
Listen, Claire.
To be honest...
Yes?
I'll play you something.
It's your ring tone. I composed it this morning.
Do you have a lot of personal rings?
No, Claire. There aren't any others.
No other rings.
That's howyou see me? It's like a requiem.
- A requiem? - Yes.
Out of the question.
There are no rules,
it really depends on your budget.
Our sister chose a piece of music.
No problem. What is it?
An excerpt from Carmen.
Carmen?
Carmen by Bizet?
I'll get my pricelist.
I'm getting weepy.
It looks like I'm trying too hard.
It's still recent.
Hang in there, Gervais.
The Van Den Plas ceremony is in an hour.
I totally forgot.
- The widow needs a pick up. - I've got to get back.
Gervais?
Your handkerchief.
I can kiss my career goodbye.
Park there.
Hotels don't like us parking out front.
I guess I can see why.
Shit, it's her.
Keep quiet.
Is breathing OK?
Yes! So?
- How was your meeting? - Great.
What's all that noise?
I'm on the houseboat.
I'm helping out with repairs.
I'm getting off early. Where should we meet?
I can't hear you!
Let's talk later. Bye.
That guy is such a gem. He's so giving.
I can be giving.
I can come by and iron. I'll even wear an apron!
You'd leave wrinkles.
I love this song. Know it?
Why not tell the truth?
She thinks I'm a pianist.
I used to say I worked for a travel agency
that only sold one-way trips.
Now, I don't care.
I still can't tell her.
You're just afraid she'll split.
Swallow your pride.
Go get the customer.
Another old widow who'll get me sobbing.
You're right, tonight I come clean.
That said, her grandfather complicates things.
You did put him out 25,000 euros.
I'll pay it back.
Maybe I can chip in.
Mrs. Van Den Plas?
That's me.
Sky & Earth.
Hello.
Do you feel OK?
I'm fine, just a little dizzy.
Here, take my arm.
I never thought they'd sign so soon!
I was really well-prepared.
And well-dressed.
The boss couldn't stop staring.
Listen, next time hire a hooker.
It'll be cheaper for the firm because...
- Stop the car. - No, Claire.
I don't have time to go shopping.
I said, stop!
Are you insane?
Bastard!
The place looks bigger, Mr. Boulovoy.
Lougovoï.
Will the piano stay in France?
I can't say yet.
Can you spell your name? For the check.
Frankly, Claire...
If a guy ever did that to me,
it would make me hysterical.
You are hysterical.
I'm addicted to your cashews. Here, finish them.
Pass me your boots.
Truth is, you're easy prey.
A woman without a man,
raising her child alone,
making good money.
Who could say no?
A sexless, frumpy workaholic? Thanks.
Unbelievable! They're everywhere I turn.
Hide them!
Hide the junk!
What was I saying?
How do you stay so Zen?
If I were you, I'd swallow his eyes!
I think it's him.
Are you crazy?
- You almost killed him! - So?
Is manslaughter necessary?
Yes, voluntary!
Mommy? What's wrong!
What is it, my love?
Did I wake you up?
Why were you yelling?
Mommy wasn't yelling.
Put Barnabé to bed. Don't worry, I'll handle it!
I think that would be best!
What a mess!
Sorry, l...
I got the wrong floor.
No, this is it.
But Claire left. For Athens.
To meet Barnabé's father. I'm babysitting.
Athens!
Did something happen?
No. It's just a romantic getaway. The kid needs a dad.
A romantic getaway?
That's all. Nice meeting you. Good bye.
Night, Luis!
Oh! I drank too much Bordeaux!
- Let's get a drink at the club. - No, my stomach...
There are other organs to look after.
Gervais! I can't go home.
I'm lonely and I have no piano.
You were stupid to sell it.
She wasn't worth it.
It was my fault, I lied.
She should be proud. Ours is the oldest profession!
Isn't hooker the oldest profession?
It's a tie.
Come on, I'll take you.
No! You're too drunk. We'll walk.
Let's go to my place then.
Careful, those aren't toys!
- Where you going? - To the john.
You don't knowwhere it is.
Shit.
Where are you?
What the fuck is this!
This...
is five tons of veined Finnish marble.
Yes, sir.
Installed by Tuscan master stonecutters.
Beautiful, huh?
You're sick.
Laugh! During the heat wave, I lived like a king.
Feel it. It's nice and cool.
What's this?
Dracula!
Shit. Is it yours?
Yes and it's for this year.
Show some respect!
I'll find the courage to join Loli.
Little Loli.
I send her messages in the coffins.
The other day, I saw "Los Niños del Pueblo,"
her favorite group.
I left her the tickets.
I tell her everything's OK.
I lie.
It's not OK.
You spend too much time with dead people.
All my time!
I miss her so much.
You're a friend, Gabriel!
A pal.
I've never had the courage.
You'll help me.
Push me. As a friend, push me.
Stop, Gervais!
Get down!
See? I'm alone!
I can't trust anyone!
I don't give a damn,
I'm dying tonight.
Don't hang yourself.
Do you see a rope, moron?
Come on!
Shut the lid.
- You're not dead. - I will be soon!
Stop, Gervais.
The lid!
I'm going to be sick.
Hold on.
General Lespinasse here. Isn't this a funeral home?
One moment.
Gervais, it's a customer!
Bury him!
Gervais! Get out of there.
I'm the boss!
Is it a nice neighborhood?
Where is it?
Who's that barking?
Clemenceau! Quiet!
Gentlemen.
Gabriel Lougovoï, Funeral Director.
Where is your wife resting?
My mother, actually.
I salute her, dear General.
Please come this way.
You can leave your things.
Quiet, Clemenceau. It's my mother's dog.
Leave your things and follow me.
Come in.
Jeannou, my wife.
These are the funeral men.
Ma'am...
It will be a sad Christmas this year.
Follow me.
Her room.
I leave you.
Already here? Did you teleport?
Sure! You woke me up at dawn.
At 104 years old, there's only so much I can do.
104? Wow!
- She doesn't look it. - Of course not.
I gave her the works: dye, collagen, lashes.
Help me with the dry ice.
They want to do a wake. Unusual.
They're making a comeback.
Don't skimp on the ice, she'll draw a crowd.
Dead or alive, she was too old to be kept at home.
Oh boy!
You two have hyena breath!
Please hang the drapes,
I'm expecting the Minister.
You're welcome.
We'll be right there.
How much did you drink?
We didn't, we were sad.
We did drink a little.
You'll see, she looks calm and peaceful.
She was a handsome woman!
Thank you.
There's a tip. Nice work.
My friends,
you may pay your respects.
But only 5 at a time.
It's okay, Jeannou.
It's that way.
Colonel?
For the drapes, could you lend us a...?
A what?
A chair, that's it...
But a very high chair...
A highchair.
A highchair? You want a highchair?
What for?
A stepladder.
That's it.
It's true, it's...
Faraway, your ceiling.
Are you okay?
My Colon, the bathroom?
Over there.
Mom's nativity scene!
Sorry, my Captain.
Excuse us.
My word! You're both drunk!
No, a little queasy.
A Chinese restaurant we ate.
Don't worry. We'll bill you for it.
It's nothing.
It's horrid!
Auntie Jeannou?
I'm here!
My God, mother.
- Coffee? - lntravenously.
I slept 2 hours.
So I guess he still hasn't called!
You sent me to Athens, what do you expect?
3 days ago you wanted him dead.
- No sugar? - Two. I'm compensating.
It can't end like this.
I really liked him.
Something doesn't add up.
It gets worse. The funeral home answered your request.
What do they say?
They won't admit to any wrongdoing.
They cite some statute. You don't get a penny.
There's even a copy of the order.
No.
What's wrong?
The name.
Maybe there's another one!
There are Russians everywhere now.
This time, no excuses. I don't want any screw-ups!
Gabriel, you come with me.
In silence.
Not the pooch!
Clemenceau.
Don't let it near me!
104 is a ripe old age.
She's not getting any younger.
Please give my love to Carmen and Loli...
All that's over, Gervais.
Can't I at least send word?
Where's my cell?
She won't call.
Women give and women take away.
You're a light in my life, Gervais.
Thank you.
You are a rotten driver.
Slow down.
Don't be so sensitive!
You'll lose the cortege.
He's tailing me!
Who is?
My father.
Your father?
He saw me!
Pull over and talk to him.
Stop lying and act your age!
It's one-way!
You'll get us killed.
Hit the brakes!
What is this, Gabriel?
Work!
Gabriel, come help me!
I must be dreaming.
Better cop or priest.
You're wasting your life.
At least I know it's mine.
Hurry up!
2 minutes, undertaker!
- What do you hold against us? - Nothing.
Mom wears cherry pit pants, you weld scraps.
You're happy, great!
Keep going, get it all out.
You just want me to be a musician because we're an "arty" family.
You're irresponsible! You're selfish!
- You're... - What?
You're not parents, you're children!
So we're a burden, is that it?
I never asked you for anything.
You didn't have to ask.
The dolphin commission...
I paid for it... with my job, so you could make repairs.
My crummy job!
Settle this later, the General's on his way!
Where? What General?
Come on!
Let's get her in the hearse.
2,000 euros for a piece of shit!
Excuse me.
Sorry.
I should have some tools in the car.
That'll do.
It only has to hold an hour.
Close the lid.
What are you doing?
What happened?
- We had an accident. - A flat!
Your mother's fine.
She's not hurt, just damaged.
Why did you race off?
What have you done!
Who the hell is he?
Cool it, old man.
Listen, Lieutenant. I understand...
This is unthinkable!
I know, Mr. Loxman. I was there.
Yes, a series of malfunctions...
Is barfing on the floor a malfunction?
The General said you were drunk.
Certainly not!
True, Mr. Lougovoï was quite ill.
He came in out of a sense of devotion.
In France, we say "spew" not "barf,"
or "hurl," if you prefer.
Of course I thought of a parade,
I offered a 20%° discount.
The General jumped at the offer.
- Mr. Gabriel, someone's here. - Coming.
My own pocket?
Maybe your management style's American, but my salary's French!
Do flowers help you compose?
I wanted to tell you.
But you didn't.
I do compose music and I was going on a trip,
but it fell through,
so I took this job to...
You couldn't love an undertaker.
Is that what you think!
You can be anything you want!
I believed in us,
but you lied to me!
Howwas Athens?
I was here.
I never left.
See? You lied, too.
Claire, I love you.
Stop!
I sawyou on Blvd. Pereire with that blond!
Blvd. Pereire?
That was Mrs. Van Den Plas, a client!
Look! I even have the headstone.
I'm not making it up.
Wilfried Van Den Plas. Look at the engraving.
I can show you the file.
- Evelyne? - Yes.
- What is it? - The Van Den Plas file.
I'll go get it.
What's that doing here? It doesn't go here!
Don't bother,
just the file.
Oh my! It just gets heavier.
Good Lord.
Okay, I buy your story about the blond.
But this...
This is your name?
Wait, Claire. I'll explain.
You profit from people's pain! You're a thief and a liar!
Claire! Wait!
Goodbye.
Fuck this job!
Cheer up, you're fired.
Why should I sue?
Defrauding seniors is illegal.
Seniors?
You think I'm senile!
He stole all your savings, grandpa! He's a predator.
A predator? That kid couldn't have been kinder!
So?
What a nice little car.
- It isn't French. - No.
Claire, your grandmother was... the love of my life.
I wanted to give her a nice death. It made me feel good.
- Are you broke, gramps? - No, my boy.
I can still take you fishing.
Let's go dig up some earthworms.
Go inside Barnabé, it's about to rain.
A check for 25,000 euros!
Let me see.
For Mrs. Froissart's funeral fees!
They caved in.
I did summons them last week.
- It was signed a month ago. - Are you sure?
I can still read, my chickadee.
You're right.
I don't get it.
It's a nightmare! Nothing sticks!
How cold did you have him?
-5C, the maximum.
He's been here 6 months.
People use us for storage, Gervais.
I can't do miracles!
You'd better. The family's coming.
There's ice everywhere!
Thicker! He's still blue.
You should have defrosted him!
Is your hairdryer on high?
Mr. Gervais, someone's here.
I tried to...
Gabriel Lougovoï, please.
Staff only!
Hello, ma'am. He looks very restful. He was a handsome man.
She's not family.
Thank God! Because I can't do any better.
Can't do better? Evelyne, what do you think?
Not bad. I've seen worse.
What do you think? Be honest.
Kind of... blue.
See!
I don't have anything left, not even blush.
Got some lipstick?
Yes.
Thank you.
Do what you can.
Gabriel left the company.
Why?
I need to know.
If you reimbursed us to avoid a lawsuit,
why is the check signed by someone named Futzer?
Well, Futzer is...
They sell pianos. New, used... I bought one for my daughter.
Ever since, she loves pony. Kids!
Pianos?
Gabriel sold his to pay you back.
His grandmother's piano?
Here. Thank you.
That's okay. You can keep it.
Well, thanks.
Much better, this I can sell!
Got to run!
Our job never ends and it never will!
- See you, Gervais. - Bye, Marie.
Ma'am.
It's him.
Physics.
It happens when air escapes.
Your job's not easy.
But it can be satisfying.
People say we help. We help them write the word "end."
The family, Mr. Gervais!
Yes.
I can't take it anymore.
Evelyne!
Can you help me for a second, please.
I have to move him.
Yes...
Lift straight up. Be careful of your back.
Thanks. 1, 2, 3...
Lift!
You're a natural.
We're recruiting.
No, thanks.
Have you heard from Gabriel? How is he?
Bad.
He lost his piano, his job, but worst of all...
the woman he loves.
Don't waste any more time.
It goes by quick.
I tried to explain but she won't listen.
She's waiting downstairs.
She must be Spanish...
or Mediterranean.
Anyway, she has character!
Good luck.
By the power invested in me...
I hereby pronounce you man and wife.
Go in peace. And God bless...
Hugo and Nickye, you may kiss.
I can't believe they're married!
Outside the church, your dad said,
"This is for our grandkids."
Grandkids?
According to the sonogram
there are two.
Two.
- Two babies? - Yes.
Great. Funny, Gervais predicted it.
I'm always on call.
The grim reaper never rests.
Your job really is an art form,
kind of like Chicago Hope.
Except that we get there after them.
Right.
There's less "hope."
I find it fascinating.
Will you tell me more at dinner?
It's not an ideal subject for dinner.
Of course.
Did she have a dizzy spell?
A big one, she's dead.
Not today!
It will spoil everything.
Sorry.
- What's wrong? - Nothing!
The organist broke a stop.
Is she hurt? I have arnica.
No. She's fine.
Are you coming?
We'll meet you there.
Go ahead.
Go get me a seat near Natacha.
No, I'll stay with you.
Thank you.
Some people have no manners.
Translation: David H. Pickering
Subtitling: Eclair Vidéo - Paris